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Showing posts with label come on this was so lame. Show all posts
Showing posts with label come on this was so lame. Show all posts

Saturday, April 14, 2012

The Space Between By Brenna Yovanoff Review

The Space BetweenMy rating: 1 of 5 stars


Hey guys, I haven't written a review in a while, so I'm going to do one now, and will be doing many more in the future. I have finally woken up from my hibernation.

This book was a product of the YA market. It had the regular YA feel with the pretty girl in dress cover, the average undeveloped romance, and the bland heroine and hero. It also had vampires, er, demons.
I originally promised myself that I wouldn't read this, knowing it'd be a mythology fail. I was right on target when I thought that many months ago. It was hard to get through, involving me rolling my eyes through what must have been the entire book.
So, let's start first with my feelings on the characters. Nothing seemed really significant about the characters. Daphne and Truman both bored me to tears, their romance fake. The other demons weren't very interesting beyond Beelzeebub and Obie, but they rarely had their time to shine. No, we had to hear about Daphne and Truman.
I don't buy that Daphne couldn't be destroyed; it had special snowflake written all over it.
What the hell did Daphne see in Truman? Sure they were more or less partners in crime, but in love? No.
I hated being in Truman's head. He was very dull, the chapters centered in his mind seeming unneeded, nothing more than extra pages. I never felt anything for him, not for his mother dying, his relationship to his Dad, and not even when he was getting wasted and trying to commit suicide. I just read through his parts, not even hoping it'd get better.
Daphne's sisters were obviously meant to be sluts. Daphne not wanting to be sluts like them, going from guy to guy to guy to guy, was obvious slut-shaming, and it was not OK. Daphne was also a special snowflake. (Wait, so were Daphne and Truman in love because they were both specshool widdle snowflakz?)

Now, let's get onto the mythology. I may get something wrong, and please do point out so, because I only know the Protestant Bible of no particular denomination. There may only be parts specific to Catholicism in this book (and some I was able to understand, others I may not have), so I'll mostly be saying stuff that leans toward Protestantism.
The Hell made of metal? No, the Catholics don't even have that. The Catholics go back 200 years, back when metal cities would have been stories you told children at best.
The demons having fun in Hell? No, Hell is for suffering.
The human stuff in Hell? The Bible states you can take nothing with you when you die, so I'm sure this wouldn't work if a human can bring nothing to Hell.
Basically, why aren't all the demons in Hell suffering? Most of this had nothing to do with mythology and what the Bible says, instead stemming from the authors imagination. The Garden scene I am sure was entirely the author's imagination.
Hell, the author even made Lucifer seem like a good guy. I just can't understand this book. Time and time again I thought of giving up and putting the book down.

The book was somewhat good in the last seventy to fifty pages, though it isn't enough to earn this book another star. It may have to do with my lack of knowledge in Catholicism, or maybe my wish for there to be gore, but it honestly didn't keep me reading. The book just barely picked itself up off the ground, but it so little off the ground you could say the book was still lying in the dirt.

The metal part wasn't even very original, as it reminded me of a book in The Spiderwick Chronicles where some sort of creature (though I can't remember what) wanted to turn the world to metal. The creatures didn't need to breathe. They even froze the girl character in a coffin to look pretty. So it too had pretty girl on cover.

This book was lacking in many, many things. This is my first review in a while, so it may not be as well written as others. I'm usually good at writing reviews for bad books, but this. . . Well, I'm reading Everneath next, and let's hope it's worth at least the three stars I gave it before.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins Review

I'm  not  even  posting  the  cover  for  this  book.

I've  been  lying  to  all  my  friends, I  do  not  live  in  Indiana,  I  live  on  a  nice  little  island  in  the  middle  of  nowhere  where  I'm  always  warm,  fed,  have  all  the  material  items  I  want,  internet  connection,  cable  TV,  a  DVD  player,  and  connections  with  some  libraries  in  Indiana,  who  mail  books  and  DVD's  to  my  island..  Then  some  librarian  and  her  daughter  and  some  of  their  friends  told  me  about  The  Hunger  Games.  I'd  heard  about  it  but  had  never  been  interested  in  it.  Then  they  started  harassing  asking  me  to  read  it.  I  got  sick  of  listening  to  them  whine  got  the  book  at  the  library.  Why?  The  librarian  offered  to  give  me  a  $10  Barnes  and  Noble  gift  card  if  I  read  it.  Can  someone  say  "desperate  fan-girl  zealot  person  who  wants  to  convert  me"?  Hey,  a  $10  Barnes  and  Noble  gift  card  just  to  read  this?  I  can't  say  no.  But  when  I  read  this:
I'm  serious  you  crazy  fan  people.

When  I  finished  this  book  and  explained  why  I  didn't  like  it,  here  were  some  of  my  responses:
"You're  over  thinking  it.  You  read  this  for  fun.  You're  forcing  yourself  to  hate  it."
"That  can't  be  true,  everyone  likes  The  Hunger  Games."
"How  did  you  not  like  The  Hunger  Games?"

I  will  explain  people  of  Indiana.  Let's  start  with  my  biggest  problem  with  the  book.

The  World  Building  and  the  Science
This  book  should  be  marked  in  the  fantasy  section. Why?  Let  the  great  Ray  Bradbury  explain  (everyone  bow  down  to  the  author  of  The  Illustrated  Man):

"First of all, I don't write science fiction. I've only done one science fiction book and that's Fahrenheit 451, based on reality. Science fiction is a depiction of the real. Fantasy is a depiction of the unreal. So Martian Chronicles is not science fiction, it's fantasy. It couldn't happen, you see? That's the reason it's going to be around a long time—because it's a Greek myth, and myths have staying power."

What  he  says  is  true.  This  book  tried  to  be  based  on  reality  but  it  failed  so  much.  All  the science  was  wrong  and  the  world  building  was  so  vague.  Things  happen  for  a  reason.  Since  Bush  is  out  of  office  and  no  Republican  is  president  yet,  wars  happen  for  a  reason,  but  that  reason  in  the  book  was  never  explained.  Did  they  just  start  a  nuclear  war  for  the  fuck  of  it?
So,  if  you  live  in  a  starving  society  and  you  get  on  the  train  to  the  games  and  begin  shoveling  that  rich  food  down  your  throat,  you  will  die!  Your  stomach  wouldn't  be  able  to  handle  that  much  food  or  the  richness.  That's  why  so  many  Holocaust  victims  died  after  being  freed  from  concentration  camps,  they  immediately  began  eating  large  amounts  of  food  that  was  very  rich,  like  chocolate  and  sausage.  Many  died  from  diarrhea.  Kids  who  didn't  get  constant  amounts  of  food  would  have  died  on  the  train,  even  Peeta  and  Katniss.  Even  if  they  had  food, going  from  what  they  ate  to  chocolate  cake  would  have  still  killed  them.  Besides,  Katniss  was  so  determined  to  say  everyone  was  "starving",  but  deny  a  basic  scientific  law,  bam!  Suzanne  Collins  just  gave  everyone  a  few  more  days  to  live,  a  free  pass.
Another  problem  I  had  was  the  Capitol  being  so  great.  How  does  trade  work?  Silk  was  described  a  number  of  times  in  the  book,  but  where  does  silk  come  from?  Asia,  my  friends. So  Panem  is  friends  (allies)  with  parts  of  Asia  again?  Even  though  parts  of  Asia  is  known  for  its  nuclear  weapons,  many  of  those parts  next  to  places  where  we  trade  for  silk?  What  about  all  the  other  food?  We  can't  grow  chocolate  in  America,  it  happens  mostly  in  South  America.  Are  we  friends  with  South  America?  How  did  those countries  survive?  How  does  the  Capitol  get  all  its  stuff?  We  need  trade.  
The  economy  was  poorly  explained.  I  will  now  compare  Panem  to  Egypt  during  the  period  of  the  New  Kingdom:
In  Egypt  during  the  New  Kingdom  (I  know the  picture  represents  the  Old  Kingdom,  but  everyone  will  recognize  it),  the  upper  class  (priests,  nobles,  other  elites)  often  had  the  great  stuff  like  big  houses  and  gold.  The  middle  class  were  scribes, artists,  architects,  they  had  jobs  the  lower  class  (farmers,  slaves,  servants)  wanted  because  there  jobs  sucked.  But  Pharaoh  had  the  control  over  everyone,  he  (in  the case  of  Hatshepsut,  she)  was  a  "god".  He  (she)  was  able  to  control  the  entire  kingdom  of   Egypt  along  with  areas Egypt  conquered  and  enslaved.  He  (she)  scared  the  people  into  obeying  him  (her)  because  they  feared  what  would  happen  in  the  afterlife.  However,  if  bad  things  happened (attack  by  enemies,  crops  didn't  grow), pharaoh  would  be  blamed  and  a  group  of  people  would  overthrow  the  pharaoh.  If  they  failed  in  their  revolt,  they  would  be  punished.  This  worked  pretty  well  even  though  Egypt  had  about  eighteen  or  so  dynasties,  yeah,  lots  of  rebellion.
Panem  enslaved  people  and  the  upper  class  had  nice  things  (though  it  varied  where  you  were),  there  appeared  to  be  a  small  amount  of  middle  class  (Peeta  and his  family)  and  of  course  the  lower  class  (in  Egypt  the  lower  class  made  up  80-85%  of  the  population).  However,  Egypt  traded  and  gained  a  lot  of  wealth.  Panem  showed  no  signs  on  how  it  got  chocolate  and  silk.  The  reason  the  Old  Kingdom  ended  was  because  the  pyramids  and  other  monuments  of  the  pharaoh  were  so  expensive,  they  owed  massive  amounts  of  debt.  Wouldn't  Panem  also  owe  lots  of  debt?  So  then  they'd  enslave  the  menial  Capitol  to  try  earn  a  bit  more  money?  But  most  of  all,  The  Hunger  Games  would  have  cost  money,  lots  of  money.  It  would  easily  have  been  a  massive  waste  of  money.  That  could cost  about  $1  million  at  least  if  they  were  insanely  stingy,  most  likely  way  more.  Where  in  the  fuck  is  this  money  coming  from?  Imagine  going  through  over  70  of  those  games,  the  cost  would  be  in  the  next galaxy  because  it's  way  over  that  broken  roof.  Even  one  would  be  pretty  risky  since  there's  no  big  business  about  it,  no  one  pays  taxes  for  it  or  anything.


The  idea  that  everyone  liked  the  games  in  the  Capitol  is  bullshit,  no  one can  like  all  the  same thing.  
 Not  all  of  them  would  have  liked  the  bright,  tacky  colors,  being selfish,  or  their  all  fun  lifestyle,  either.  But  Collins  would  rather  make  robots  than  actual  people.
Suicide  rates  would  most  likely  sky  rocket  around  the  game  times  in  the  poorer  areas,  from  both  12-18  year  olds  and  their  family  members.  If  they  got  in  the  games  they'd  most  likely  find  a  way  to  end  their  life,  there's  more  ways  to  kill  yourself  than  throwing  yourself  off  the  roof,  Mrs.  Collins.  Also,  wouldn't  many  be  completely  damaged  by  the  Games?  Not  just  the  contestants  and  their  family,  but  the  people shooting  the  fireballs  or  people  like  Effie  Trinket  (Effie  Trinket,  what  fucking  kind  of  name  is  that?).  Wouldn't  it  be  scarring  to  know  you're  sending  teenagers  to  their  graves?  Wouldn't  you  sit  awake  at  night,  possibly  head  to  your  bathroom,  break  a  mirror,  and  hold  that  glass  to  your  neck?  Not  everyone  can  handle  killing  people.  Why  do  you  think  the  gas  chambers  were  built  by  the  Nazis?  Because  the  Nazi  soldiers  were  traumatized  by  killing  the  minority  groups  like  the  Jews,  Russians,  and  Poles,  so  Himmler  made  sure  an  anonymous  way  to  kill  people  was  made  without  knowing  who  they  were  or  what  they  looked  like.  Here's  your  example  (Warning:  Spoils  the  ending  of  The  Boy  In  The Striped  Pajamas):
Now  imagine  just  seeing  a bunch  of  naked  men  walk  into  a  room  they  think  is  a  shower,  never  really  seeing  their  faces,  all  the  men  just  blurring  together.  Now  imagine  having  to  look  them  in  the  eyes  and  shoot  them  all.  See?  If  the  Nazi  soldiers  were  traumatized  by  this,  why  can't  those  idiots  Capitol  people  also  be  traumatized  by  this  since  they  don't  have  anonymous  people,  they  know  the  Games  contestants?  Suzanne  Collins  must  be  anti-science.  Also,  the  arena  made  no  fucking  sense  whatsoever.  Was  it  indoors?  Outdoors?  If  it  was  outdoors,  how  was  the  weather  controlled?


I  think  the  love  triangle  was  not  needed.  I  can't  see  how  Katniss  had  feelings  for  Gale  or  Peeta,  it  was  so  forced.  I  could  understand  a  slow  coming  to  terms  with  her  sexuality,  but  that's  clearly  too  much  to  ask  for  but  instead  we  get  these  two  forced  love  "interests".


I  didn't  like  any  of  the  characters  except  for  Rue.  But  of  course  she  had  to  die  and  Katniss  didn't.  I  definitely  disliked  Katniss,  perhaps  the  most  of  all  the  characters.  I  especially  hated  where  she  thought  if  two  people  heterosexuals  were  in  love  they  had  to  have  kids  because  childless  couples  can't/don't  exist  now  or  ever.  I  also  disliked  how  she  thought  if  you  didn't  get  married  you'd  grow  up  to  be  a  sad  old  drunker  like  Haymitch  with  no  hope  because  clearly  people  who  don't  get  married  will  get  all  depressed  and  drink  a  lot  because  they  don't  have  anyone  to  fuck.  I'm  still  sad  Rue  had  to  die.

I  especially  hated  the  Capitol.  They  had  jobs  that  didn't  help  the  economy  or  controlling  the  slaves  the  districts,  it'd  just  be  a big waste  of  money.  Plus  they  all  wear  bright  colors,  makeup  (even  the  guys!),  and  like  stuff  like  hair  and  stuff.  So  everyone  who  likes  that  kind  of  stuff  no  matter  what  gender  identity,  you're  a  selfish  bitch  who  doesn't  care  about  anyone  and  you're  shallow  idiots  (Gossip  Girl,  anyone?).  Great  message  Suzanne  Collins,  clearly  if  you  aren't  a  stuck  up  masculine  bitch,  you  are  bad.  Here's  what  I  thought  the  Capitol  was  like:


But  if  you're  like  me  and  happen  to  like  that  song,  you  are  bad!  Shame  on  people  who  like  to  dye  their  hair,  wear  makeup,  or  not  fit  into  a  patriarchal  gender  role!  Look  at  those  bright colors,  they  must  be  destroyed!  Oh  yeah,  that  song  is  way  better  then  the  book  will  ever  be.

The  girl  who  was  on  fire?  That  is far  from  original,  it's  been  out  since  2001  as  a  radio  single.

The  book  did  not  keep  me  reading  other  then  when  Rue  was  there,  after  that  the  book  was  always  slow,  no  matter  how  much  boring  action  there  was.


Suzanne  Collins  was  homophobic  in  this  book.  We  know  why  they  changed  the  rule  in  the  book,  so  the  straight  couple  of  Peeta  and  Katniss  could  be  together,  even  though  it  was  fake.  Only  a  boy  and  girl  were  sent  from  each  district,  not  two  boys  or  two  girls.  It's  veiled  homophobia  since  you  know,  who  cares  about  gay  teens  when  we  have  horny  straight  teens,  anyway?  The  gays  never  get  their  chance  to  survive  together  since  they'd  be  from  different  districts.  It'd  most  likely  have  been  an  even  more  powerful  story  if  it  had  been  two  boys  or  two  girls,  but  it's  a  gay  relationship,  so  who  cares?  Either  way  it  probably  wouldn't  be  a  New  York  Times  bestseller.  I'm surprised  no  one  else  has  pointed  this  out.  This  is  just  sad,  once  again  everyone  in  the  LGBT  community  are  reminded  they  are  unimportant  and  don't  exist,  heterosexuals  are  the  only  ones  who  matter.


Also,  this  only  mirrors  one  side  of  our  American  society.  Shouldn't  it  mirror  more  to  be  a  believable  and  plausible  dystopia?  I didn't  think  this  was  close  to  possible  through  most  of  the  book.  Brave  New  World  is  far  more  believable.  However,  Brave  New  World  doesn't  have  a  love  triangle  with  a  game  show,  so  it  must  suck.

The  Recipe  for  The  Hunger  Games:
Battle  Royale  (I  don't  believe  for  a  minute  Collins hadn't  heard  of  this  or  had  been  pointed  out  how  similar  these  stories  were  before  the  book  was  published)  +  The  Running  Man  +  The  Long  Walk  +  1984  (for  "Big  Brother)  +  parts  of  Lord  of  the  Flies  +  Random  Game  Shows  like  Wheel  of  Fortune  +  Survival   Based  Game  Shows  +  Stereotypical  American  Consumers  +  Love  Triangle  +  Horny  Teenagers  +  Wolf  Creatures  (big  wtf  moment)  +  Vague  world  building  +  Science  is  a  No-No  =  The  Hunger  Games  Maybe  environmentalists  will  like  this  book  for  being  "recycled". 

So,  on  with  my earlier  story.  The  evil  librarian  and  her  evil  daughter  forced  me  to  also  watch  the  movie  trailer  to  try  to  get  me  interested.  It  didn't  work,  I  refuse  to  watch  the  movie.  Why  did  I  "over  think"  the  society  Katniss  lives  in?  Dystopias  are  supposed  to  make  you  think  about  if  they  could  happen  and  this  did  not  make  me  scared  that  it  could  happen  due  to  all  the  gaping,  senseless  plot  holes.  This  wasn't  entertainment,  either.  I could  have  read  a  nice  Margaret  Atwood  novel.  Suzanne  Collins  didn't  even  scare  me  in  the  slightest.  So,  I'm  going  to  stay  on  my  island  and  hopefully  never  see  this  book  again.  But  I  ended  kind  of  happily,  I  got  my  $10  Barnes  and  Noble  gift  card!  I  only  wen t through  so  many  pages  of  this  junk,  no t to  mention  dozens  of  typos.

I  have  heard  of  someone  who  also  didn't  like  this  book  had  been  told  by  someone  they  must  have  a  mental  problem (they  said  the  person  was  mentally  retarded  just  because  they  didn't  like  this  book).  I  have  a  form  of  autism  called  Asperger's  Syndrome  and  it  didn't  change  how  I  felt  about  this  book.  Respect  me  and  respect  people  who  are  worse  off  than  me.  I  know  mentally  retarded  people  and  their  life  is  tough.  My  island  is  metaphorical,  I  do  actually  live  in  Indiana.  I  didn't  like  this  book.  If  you  did,  please  try  to  understand  me.  Don't  make  remarks  that  ultimately  damage  people  less  fortunate  people  than  you  who  have  mental  problems.  But  don't  pity  me,  either.  I  face  my  life,  fighting  people  to  stop  disrespecting  people  who  have  mental  issues.  I  know  longer  say  the  word  "retarded"  as  an  insult,  it's  only  in  my  vocabulary  to  tell  whether  a  person  has  a  mental  issue  or  not.  I  am  currently  the  only  person  in  my  school  who  I know  didn't  like  this  book.

So,  want  good  books  about  corrupted  governments  and  controlling  hate  groups  that  are  non-fiction  and  much  more  real  than  this  and  who  do  the  kinds  of  things  you  hear  about  in  this  book  or  worse?  That  are  a  real  threat  to  us?










These  are  real stories  of  real  people  and  real  groups  who  either  overcome  oppression  or  violently  hurt  people,  or  present  a  harsh  reality.  If  you  think  any  dystopia  is  truly  scary,  read  these  because  fiction  is  nothing compared  to  this.  I  highly  recommend  these.
 
Fiction  you  should  read  instead:



 


Movies  you  should  watch  instead:


(Sorry  they're  all  Nazi  movies,  if  you  can  tell  me  any  good  North  Korea,  Russian  Communist,  or  any  good   hate  group  documentary  or  movie,  it  would  be  appreciated,  these  are  all  I  know.)

So  why  did  I  post  all  those  books  and  movies?  Because  I  want  you  to  think  about  real  threats  we  face.  I  definitely  suggest  Execution  By  Hunger  if  you're  interested  in  hunger  and  starvation. 





I  give  this  book  2  stars  because  I  liked  Rue  and  only  kept  reading  during  the  parts  where  she  was  in  the  book.  I  will  not  be  reading  the  rest  of  the  series  or  seeing  the  movie.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Divergent By Veronica Roth Review


Lots of spoilers ahead, be warned or read this simply because you don’t want to read the book. This isn’t written like any of my regular reviews; it’s definitely going to be one of my personal favorites!
Yes people, Vanessa Roth is a copycat, with this boring new YA read. She has written about Tris, a girl who lives in a “dystopian” society. She discovers she is “Divergent”, meaning she isn’t like everyone else and can be stuck into one tiny little personality box. She can’t be so easily defined. So before I show you what Veronica Roth copied, first I must list what I didn’t like about this book:
1. The World Building. Oh wait, what world building? Nothing at all was explained and already I couldn’t see how this could happen. Dystopias need to seem plausible and/or at least have reasonable world build building. I admit I love Brave New World, but Huxley was so spot on about it so little world building was needed because of how relevant it is. This had no world building and you were forced to think it just happened, it’s horrible. And people have more personality than what can be put on like a sticker reading “Dauntless” or “Erudite”. And the divergent having the strongest will and can’t be zombies? Please, almost everyone would be divergent. Being divergent just means you’re better than everyone else. And is there freedom of speech? Because there sure as hell is freedom to be a Christian (I’m surprised they weren’t preaching away). And having tattoos doesn’t make you brave, nor does wearing all black. And EVERY fucking thing was selfish according to the gray cladded people.
2. The Characters. All the side characters were either flat or did things I couldn’t imagine them doing. Al was too nice of a guy to try to throw Tris into the river and Four was too smart to drink.
3. The “Sex” Scene. I wanted to rip this book apart because of how cliché the “I’m scared of fucking Four” was with Tris! It was too stupid and I wish it had been removed from the book. And it was so insta-love I wanted to barf. They just saw each other and bam! We get this “romance” *gag*.

So what did this book copy off of? An award winning episode of the kids’ show Phineas and Ferb called “Nerds of a Feather”.
You’re going to have to watch the entire episode to understand what I’m saying in this review, and for fair warning it’s an epic episode.

Part 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Zl7UzvN5...

Part 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Cnb06rFQ...

Part 3:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXbnt4oem...

In the beginning Candace is in “special effects” just like Tris was with the fear serum. They both realized it was crazy shit and they had to learn to control it while both ended up breaking the “glass” of it (Tris with the glass box filling with water, Candace with magical zebra land). They both can control it and it’s pretty much a wild lucid dream. Then it’s revealed it’s nothing more than a trick of the brain by a guy (revealed to Tris by Four and to Candace by Phineas).
Then each of them get a test. Candace and Tris both lie (Candace about the bag being full of smaller bags and to Stacey and Jeremy of who she was hanging out with, Tris lied to skeleton dude). They both get angry at people (Candace at Phineas and Ferb, Tris to everyone alive) showing they aren’t selfless and can’t keep peace or be kind. They both prove they’re not really brave (Candace being a closet Ducky Momo fan and Tris scared of sex, which yes people can fear it but this being YA lit and how flat the character was I couldn’t handle as realistic). They fail at the five factions. They fail that test and really are a mix of all of them with a greater will.
In “Doof ‘N’ Puss” it represents the supposed goodness of the society being destroyed by people. In it Doofenschmirtz is from the future where evil robots make people go off in death matches, an unwanted future like Tris’s society. Perry was blamed for something he didn’t do, which is a society injustice, which they use on Divergents, such as claiming suicide. Rick is the help they need to make good. The mayor is an evil monster which represents that antagonist woman I forgot the name of and all the other evils of the society that used to be good but is now an evil, ugly monster that must be defeated for the greater good of the tri-state area or Chicago. The vampire ninjas are the zombie Dauntless (only way cooler and everything explodes). The real mayor is the good that could have been there for the society.
The Finkies (selfless) vs. Spekkies (is based on hard scientific fact, it’s like watching a reality show from the distant future!) represents the selfless vs. the educated, both believing they are right, and both truly being selfish and ignorant. The Mom who gives the kid his sweater in “Our Movie’s Better Than Yours” represents the Honest saying they support the educated and the Sea Horsie Hospital, Duckie Momo fans represent the kind, either choosing no sides, trying to help others, giving a lot of hugs (that was all that the Kind did in the book), or not wanting to get into the mess.
Various scenes are taken from the episode. For example there’s Al’s suicide, he does something totally against his character so he kills himself. Who was the Al of Phineas and Ferb? Why no other than the “I Hate People” Ducky Momo that Candace ends up dropping because of the monster! The metaphorical monster that attacked Tris that was totally against the character of Al, who hates Tris (people), and Tris loses (metaphorically dropping him because of the monster). Well, Al was only $15. But Four (his counterpart in Phineas and Ferb is Jeremy, who is WAY better than he’ll ever be) doesn’t drink on the show, this is aimed at kids and nerds like me.
And who is that white haired dude with the pony tail? It’s Clive Addison! He represents all that the society wanted to get but didn’t even come close to getting. Those with high dreams tried to make it there but their stupid prejudices made it impossible. So instead of going to the greater good and getting his autograph, they start a war! But Clive the greater good just wanted to join the nations of fantasy and science fiction (and those lame factions, in this case the Sea Horsie Hospital and Ducky Momo fans). And like in this episode, somehow this series will meet the “greater good of their society” (it’s so predictable, anyway, I was guessing what was going on over and over again and I got things right!).
And of course there has to be heartwarming moments to make a good book (wrong)? Well there was definitely one in “Nerds of a Feather”, Ducky Momo! And Ducky Momo is the courage Candace has to head towards the greater good! And Tris’s was, maybe Four? Really if she had one I’m not sure what it was.
The romance was forced and instant for Tris with no chemistry (but since it’s between two living creatures we’ll call it biology). The one between Candace and Jeremy is very drawn out and nice (you’ll have to watch a few more episodes to understand, but when Jeremy thought Ducky Momo was cool, wow it was just too sweet). Oh Jeremy and Candace! Go out and love Ducky Momo together forever!
The wars were both very similar, and I believe the Dauntless zombies were the Spekkies who got brave somehow and fought over something stupid. And when Irving went to the Finkies it was a lot like when Tris went to the Erudites. They both ultimately failed and spread more lies.
And of course their control over the special effects improves. So we come to the ending. The ending of Phineas and Ferb was epic, but the ending of Divergent was pretty average for YA lit and I didn’t find it really great.
So Tris was. . . DIVERGENT!
Candace was. . . DIVERGENT!
And a note on everyone laughing at Candace in the end, it can honestly happen. People do something great and then someone finds something out about them and everyone’s mean to them. People were shocked when George Michael came out of the closet and the whole reason he wasn’t out when he was in Wham! was because everyone was afraid of how his female fans would react to it. But I’m sure Tris will be all self-righteous at the end and everything will go well for her. She seemed to slowly lose her flaws through the book to become this flawless person, which is creepy.
So basically you can learn the exact same stuff and have a better storyline in an episode of Phineas and Ferb. You can learn people fight and do stuff over total shit (take Harry Potter vs. Twilight for example, it’s a stupid fight over something that’s anti-feminist shit with pedophiles and misogynists with abs or something that has an age old gay guy making spells and using a sorting hat with two guys and this girl who is a nerd that nobody ever realizes is a girl. OK maybe that was a bad example, everyone knows Harry Potter pwns Twilight, it’s a law of the universe.). They even come up with useless shit that makes no sense (Roth’s world building). And yes, people will find it crazy that I’m comparing some *cough-cough* book that is *cough-cough fucking AMASHIN’* to a kids show. I just have to say this:
Tris’s mom was copied off of Ducky Momo.
Oh, and this:
SPEKKIES!!

Ratings:
2 out of 5 stars for Divergent.
5 out of 5 stars for “Nerds of a Feather”.
A hundred zillion stars for Ducky Momo. He is still my friend.

Even more Momocity:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MHzNfoul...

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Matched by Allie Condie Review


I  read  this  book  last  year  during  Christmas  break,  I  forgot  whether  I  finished  it  before  or  after  Christmas.  At  first  I  thought  it  was  another  stupid  YA  romance  novel  but  I  discovered  it  was  a  "dystopia"  (before  I  read  it  there  were  no  quotation  marks)  and  I  thought  it  sounded  cool  so  I  picked  it  up  at  the  library  (pretty  much  like  every  other  book  I  read).  I  didn't  like  it,  but  I  read  the  entire  thing  pretty  quickly.  Needless  to  say  it  bored  me,  I  wasn't  much  for  the  romance,  and  it  was  so  bad  it  got  stuck  in  my  head  for  months.  Even  back after  I  finished  it  I  just  couldn't  fathom  it  as  a  dystopia.  So  here's  my  review.  Get  ready.

Reasons  Why  I  Didn't  Like  This  Book:
1.  Lois  Lowry.  The  pills,  the  death  of  the  old  people  and  the  fact  they're  all  sent  to  a  retirement  home,  the  arranged  marriages,  jobs  and  food  being  chosen  for  you,  (it  isn't  explained  why  in  here  they  do  it,  but  Lois  Lowry  had  great  reasons  why  in  The  Giver),  all  were  copied  from  The  GiverThe  Giver  is  one of  the  best  novels  I've  ever  read,  this  definitely  not.  When  you  copy  Lois  Lowry  and  I read  it  you're  doomed  (I'm  speaking  to  you  guys,  too,  Elana  Johnson  and  Lauren  Oliver)!
2.  Divorce.  So  what  happens?  Do  they  just  take  their  pill  and  it's ok?  Bleh.  And  honestly,  if  it's  going  to  be  two  people  meeting  each  other  who  they  never  knew  then  I  just  don't  understand  how  they'll  actually  get  along  unless  they  have  a  while  to  build  the  relationship.  So  Cassia  and  Kai,  let's  just  say  it's  nothing  more  than  a  high  school  cliche.
3.  Kai  as  an  Invalid?  His  parents  were  murdered  so  now  he  can't  get  married  and  have  kids?  This  makes  no  sense  at  all.  I'm  guessing  the  sins  of  the  father  are  the  sins  of  the  son.
4.  Their  Tablets.  So  you  make  an  important  letter  sound  like  a  love  letter?  Really,  that  just  didn't  make  sense  because  eventually  you  won't  want  someone  to  see  something  even  if  legal  by  the  government.
5.  100  Everythings.  This  gets  boring  pretty  quickly,  especially  packing  people  into  theaters  to  listen  to  a  song.  Ever  heard  of  CD's  or  is  that  too  horrible?
6.  Possible  Forced  Abortion.  So  at  31  no  more  kids  and  if  the  woman  is  say  nine  months  pregnant  you'll  just  abort  it  or  something?  And  what  if  she  already  has  dried  up  ovaries  or  is  infertile?  The  fact  that  Cassia  was  so  pretty  and  I  think  used  makeup  on  her  matching  night  means  her  ovaries  could  already  be  done  for  (yes  pretty  women,  give  birth  now  because  tomorrow  you'll  become  useless)!  Even  Tiller  did  late  term  abortions,  but  only  if  it  was  because  the  woman  or  her  the  kid's  health.  Yes,  I've  read  about  women  in  China  eagerly  having  late  term  abortions  when  they're  seven,  eight,  nine  months  prenant  but  in  this  they  were  scared.  Someone  should  eventually  get  mad  because  of  this.  I  hate  sex  seletive abortion  and  forced abortion  (both  happening  here  in  the  U.S.A.  and  China,  China  having  a  lot  more)  so  Condie  should  read  up  about  these  issues  to  sound  relevant!
7.  Kai  and  Xander.  I  liked  Xander  more,  but  both  of  them  I  couldn't  believe  to  be  actual  romantic  partners  with  Cassia,  no  way  Hose  (sorry  if  spelled wrong,  I  skipped  my  Spanish  elective  so  I  could  take  technology).
8.  Is  Anyone  Gay  at  all?  Any  Aces?  I  couldn't  understand  the  singles  very  well.  Some  could  be  asexual,  the  rest  I  don't  know.  And  just  like  every  other  teen  "dystopian"  there  were  no  gays!  How  original!

1  star  and  that's  it!  But  I  know  some  people  will  like  it,  so  read  it  if  you  think  you'll  like  it,  I  didn't.

Some  books  to  read  instead:
The  Giver  by  Lois  Lowry  along  with  Gathering  Blue  and  Messenger   
I  can't  think  of  any  more  because  that  was  the  dystopia  it  was  most  related  to,  although  it  shared  like  one  or  two  tiny  aspects  with  Brave  New  World,  another  read

Possession by Elana Johnson Review


Yeah,  another  Amazon  cover  in  which  I'm  too  lazy  to  remove  the  "Click  to  look  inside!"  thing.
I  read  this  book  a  month  ago  but  never  posted  a  review, so  here  it  is.
Summary:
Vi,  a  teenager  who's  arranged  to  marry  her  match  Zenn,  is  a  goodie.  She  isn't  a  dreaded  Baddie.  She  however  breaks  rules  by  cutting  and  dying  her  hair,  walking  with  her  boyfriend,  and  not  listening  to  her  transmissions.  She's  put  in  prison  for  a  guy  she  falls  in love  with  a  baddie  named  Jag.  

Reasons  I  Didn't  Like  This  Book:
1.  Started  well,  stopped  around  page  twenty-five.  At  first  I  thought  the  mind  control  was  creepy,  but  then  it  lost  its  effect.
2.  The  Romance.  Boring,  the  whole  plot  of  the  book.
3.  Better  Brainwashing.  Some  people  just  wouldn't  plug  something  into  the  wall,  really.  Aldous  Huxley  used  a  better  method  in  Brave  New  World  where  children  listened  to  rhymes over  and  over  while  they  slept  peacefully.  It  couldn't  be  unplugged,  but  put  in  a  bad  rhyme  and  you're  doomed  to  an  island.  Huxley  clearly  knew  what  he  was  doing  in  1932
3.  The  Rules.  Don't  people  need  vitamin  D  from  the  sun  and  can't  cover  everything?  Most  of  the  rules  are  unexplained  like  most  teen  "dystopias"  and  therefore  are  useless.  
 4.  Anyone  Gay?  When  it  mentioned  girls  walking  with  girls  and  boys  with  boys  I  thought  it  meant  they  were  gay,  but  instead  they  were  "civilized".  This  ticked  me  off  and  of  course  gays  aren't  mentioned.
5.  The  Names.  Greenie,  Goodie,  Baddie,  really.
6.  Vi's  Dad.  He  was  a  boring  "antagonist".  Vi  mentions  her  mother  had  a  loveless  marriage  to  him.  To  be  honest,  most  arranged  marriages  through  history  involved  neither  of  the  spouses  loving  each  other,  it's  sad  and  simple.
7.  The  Action  Was  Boring.  And  the  book  really  confused  me,  it  was  too  hard to  understand.
8.  How  Did  This  Happen?  Elana  Johnson  on  her  own  blog  admits  she  hadn't  bothered  with  a  backstory  for  Possession!  I  mean  it  was  confusing  enough,  but  really?  This  was  too  hard  to  believe  considering  there  are  sadly  far  more  believable  forms  of  mind  control.
9.  Not  Having  Pets.  This  reminded  me  of  a  scene  in  the  movie  Equilibrium  (Christian  Bale!),  as  in  way  a  lot.
10.  George  Orwell  much?  The  ending  made  me  think  of  1984,  only  cheesier  and  with  no  rats. 

Really,  I  can't  think  of  any  part  I  liked  about  this  book.  I  remember  seeing  it  in  the  store  and  thinking  it  sounded  great,  I  almost  even  bought  it  (thankfully  I  bought  Hate  List  and  Julie  Anne  Peter's  She  Loves  You,  She  Loves  You  Not  instead,  which  are  also  two  of  my  most  favorite  books,  this  one  definitely  not  one).  So  I'm  glad  I  spent  the  cash  instead  on  Jennifer  Brown  and  Julie  Anne  Peters!
Thank  you  Pulse  it!  http://www.simonandschuster.com/specials/pulseit/index.html

1  tiny  little  star.

What  do  I  reccomend  instead  of  this?
Brave  New  World  by  Aldous  Huxley
1984  and  Animal  Farm  (yes,  a  book  about  pigs)  by  George  Orwell
The  Giver  by  Lois  Lowry  since  it  also  shares  similar  themes
Christian  Bale's  Equilibrium  (yeah,  it's  a  movie,  but  hey  it's  better)