Friday, January 20, 2012

Shiver By Maggie Stiefvater Redo Review

Shiver (The Wolves of Mercy Falls, #1)Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


Has anyone seen the TV show Dexter? If you haven't, go watch it RIGHT NOW.
Dexter Pictures, Images and Photos
Dexter is insane, and (hopefully) everyone knows that.

But the main characters of Shiver put Dexter to shame.
I am fucking serious.
We have Grace, a girl who is obsessed with wolves even though they tried to eat her.
We also have Sam, who is also obsessed with Grace even though he WANTED to eat her.
We have a pack of werewolves who can change in the weather, many having strange moral guidance.
Shelby is obsessed with Sam even though she's way older than him, and basically wants to rape him.
What does this sound like?

GIFSoup
And we get this:

GIFSoup
It looks like a vast difference, but somehow Grace is still a frigging sociopath.

What do we know about Grace?
-She has no sympathy for people who were abused as children.
-She would rather save wolves who ATTACKED her and were accused of killing someone's brother (the boy abused by his father). She doesn't care that he's dead.
-She will stop at nothing to get Sam. Basically:
Grace: "IF I CAN'T HAZ HIM, NO ONE CAN HAZ HIM!"

What do we know about Will:
-He also wants Grace, really, REALLY fucking badly.
-He does not sound like a guy, not even a stereotypical gay guy.

GIFSoup
Yes, Sam makes Will from Will & Grace look as masculine as Bruce Wayne.
-He compares himself to a LEAKY WOMB, A.K.A. FUCKING CHILDBIRTH AND MENSTRUATION AND HOLY SHIT GROSS FEMALE STUFF. Why does that kid even know what a womb is? I don't know whether to go:

GIFSoup
Or:
Kristen are you fucking kidding me? Pictures, Images and Photos
Should I be concerned that his sex ed talks were a little too deep?
-Oh, and he can't write a single frigging song, no.

Grace's friends may as well be five year olds. Grace doesn't really care about them, they are obstacles in her way. Her friends are also unmemorable, except where one PISSES IN HER PANTS. Apparently lots of teenagers do that.

Grace's parents aren't there for most of the time, at the point to being neglectful. Maybe they helped shape her insanity (even though Jack, child abuse poster boy, also was mean because of his abusive father, but Grace don't care 'bout him, the fucking hypocrite).

This entire book was a wet dream, screaming: "ME WANT TO FUCK YOU FOEVA!"
Please book, if I wanted sex, I'd look at porn. Guess what? I don't, so that gives you the idea of what I want. There was no FUCKING plot.

One frigging star.

This book sucked.



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