Monday, February 27, 2012

Evermore By Alyson Noel Review

Evermore (The Immortals, #1)Evermore by Alyson Noel

My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Why did I read this book? Of Flying Spaghetti Monster, why did I read this book? It can easily be described in two words as horse shit, but that's be an offense to horse shit everywhere. Besides, I need to make a slightly longer review to repulse you from reading this.

Dun dun dun, let's meet Ever. She's your average special snowflake heroine with psychic powers (that are cool for a while but then "I LOVE DAMEN") and a dead family. She always wears hoodies, sunglasses, and listens to her iPod. . . for some unexplained reason. It's not like she likes doing it but you can't write a YA novel these days without unexplained angst.

Has anyone ever heard of Creepypastas where someone hears or sees something and it causes them to commit suicide (some examples are Lavender Town Syndrome and one where a college girl sees a picture and she's so terrified of it she kills herself)? Well, this puts even Lavender Town Syndrome to shame. I honestly don't know how I made it through this. I wanted to rip this book apart and set it on fucking fire. It was not good.

Miles was a shit head. He treated Ever like crap, stalking and emotionally abusing her, while we still must think he's perfect. I wanted this guy to fucking die (and yet the dick bag's immortal). He was everything love isn't and yet he's the love interest. I ended up repressing almost all he did because he was that fucking bad. How is he someone worth spending eternity with?

Drina was a very forced character with little meaning. She just existed to add plot to an already boring as fuck book.

Miles was the character who was a boy who may as well have been a girl. He WAS the stereotypical, token gay character:

-He was promiscuous and sex-crazed.

-He was Will from Will and Grace except not funny or on Lifetime.

-He's the lead in Hairspray for fuck's sake!

I swear, this is not good representation when his personality is literally being gay! Why? Because being gay is not a personality.

And Haven, our stereotypical Goth. I'm Goth, but I almost never listen to Marilyn Manson. Shock, are all the other Goths kicking me out? Another shock, I'm not Goth just to get attention, I'm Goth because I like being Goth! Could it truly be that I don't want everyone to notice me, but instead I want to feel good about myself? Yes! Will I be the first to follow evil? Anyone can follow evil, not just Goths. Hell, I can see a girl clad all in pink just as easily following an evil spirit, the spirit would just be in a different form. See, I broke another Goth stereotype!

Let's just say no characters were developed, OK? Because I could probably complain about each and every single damn one for hours.

The plot was nonexistent. It was just page after page of shit. All I knew was that Damen was hot but he had a secret, Ever was annoying as fuck, and that my hair was about to be ripped out of my scalp.

There aren't even any GIFS to describe this book.

But guys, I've decided to read Blue Moon. Kill me now.

However, I recovered by reading Persepolis. It was a great book!

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